No Next Button Yet

Our professor led us through a Lectio Divina today on Matthew 11:27-30 after playing Kari Jobe’s version of the song Healer. I know the song so well because at one point in my life it has become my anthem. I held back the tears as the song reached the chorus… “I believe You’re my Healer. I believe You are all I need…I believe You’re my portion. I believe You’re more than enough for me. Jesus You’re all I need.” What an assurance to live life knowing that we are not alone. That the Saviour is also our Healer, our Shepherd, our Friend—all that we will ever need in this life and beyond. As we spent the next minutes meditating on the Word of God, the past eleven months came in a flashback. Many tears were cried and my heart grew tired. But God has brought me to a place of rest. Through hills and valleys He never left me. It is true what He says that His burden is easy and His yoke is light. What a wonderful God we have. And what a joy to know that He has no shadow of turning. Unlike the prophet Jonah. He was quite a star in our discussion today and from him came the weightiest truth I would probably take home with me from this entire course. I learned that where I am now is exactly where God wants me to be. The sooner I accept this, the happier and the more content I will become.

My life is far from being a prophet but surely I have been like Jonah countless of times this year. I always have a problem living in the meantime. I like to press the next button a lot. I press it harder when things start to become uncomfortable, when my limits are tested to the full, when my gifts and skills fall short, when my prayers return unanswered, when my heart is flooded with doubts and fear…and when I fail to listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd telling me “my child, I am here.” Now I understand the counsel behind the words “God chose to trust you by putting you there.” Those were the words a good friend of mine told me at the time when I had the strongest of doubts about myself. I looked at my hands and they were so small in comparison to the ginormous need around me. I thought of giving up. But now I understand why I have not. “ For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). I can choose to be Jonah everyday but the God who called me will each time bring a whale to lead me back to His course. This is my confidence but this is also what keeps me grounded—God’s kindness that leads me to repentance (Romans 2:4), God’s goodness and mercy following me like a sheep dog every time I go astray (Psalm 23:6). The only proper response is humility.

Where I am now is exactly where God wants me to be. The sooner I accept this, the happier and the more content I will become. And the most practical thing for me to do now is to live in the meantime. To see that work is worship because it's never about me...it's all about Jesus. To not press the next button until it's time, until it's God's time, not out of frustration or anxiety. To live each day trusting that God is in charge and to know that I am not.