No Sign of You

Dear Little Sweetness,

This woman is writing this letter in hopes that one day, she can read it to a miracle wrapped in tapestry of joy...that is you.

The past few months have been difficult for this soon-to-be-thirty-year-old woman. Not that she’s afraid of having to add another wrinkle on her face or an age spot or two, or that she’ll morph into a full grown adult while wanting to stay in a twenty-something body.  No. It’s that she’s turning thirty and still no sign of you.

You see, it all started when, on a perfect summer’s day, she said the sweetest “I do” to a crazy, funny, animated but super kind, passionate, tenderhearted, God-honoring man. You will meet him too and boy I tell you, you need to prepare your jaws because he’s going to make you laugh so hard that you’re gonna cry. So yes they got married, 28th of April 2012 to be exact. Oh it was a beautiful day. Filled with bloopers here and there, embarrassing moments, two or three, or many, haha. But the ceremony…it was all she prayed and hope for and even more. In that forty-five minute slice of her lifetime, she felt God’s presence, His blessing, His joy, His peace, His love, His assurance that this forever intertwined imperfect lives will be to the praise and glory of His Name. On that day too, they were convinced to wait for two more years before they try to schedule an appointment with you.

But two years became three and three to five. She could give a million reasons why, but she’d be a fool not to admit that there was only one core issue—her heart. Contrary to the passionate, aggressive and strong-willed woman that others thought her to be (which she also kind of believed in actually), her inner self is a frail, needy little girl with a heart laced with fear. It’s quite a long story and she’ll tell you more about that in another letter, but you know, God freed her from that fear. In July of 2016, the life-giving words found in 1 John 4:18 brought healing to her fearful heart:

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…”

This is the beauty of Christ’s love. He picks up the ugliest  pieces of our very lives and puts them together to make a wonderful work of art. Piece by piece, he gathers our deepest darkest fears, our brokenness, our faithlessness, and in a perfectly coordinated fashion, He hand-weaves them to make the most colorful memories and testimonies.

He is love. He cannot reign in a heart with a throne of fear. He cannot share a crown with a false and powerless king.

He is love. And yes, He is the only one mighty and able to cast out fear.

The moment this woman realized that God was releasing her from her fear, she cried, she laughed, she couldn’t sleep, she felt all sorts of emotions because finally. SHE. WAS. FREE.

And so she began the journey of finding you.

It has been A WHILE since she’s tried to reach you.

But still no sign of you.

Is she feeling sad?

Yes. Because she’s already growing fond of you even if she hasn’t met you yet. How possible is it to miss someone you’ve never met before? I’m not sure how but she misses you. She cries in secret when she thinks about you. Perhaps it’s love waiting to be poured out to someone. To someone like you.

Is she afraid?

No. Because she is convinced that only God is in charge of bringing life into this world. She can only be hopeful that God chooses her to be a channel of life, of love, of joy, of you.

Is she hopeful?

Absolutely. Oh she can’t wait. Hope is free and powerful and beautiful and she can’t let it die in her. She will continue to hope for you even if you don’t come soon. She will hope for you because her hope is in Christ, not in her womb, not in her health, nor in her ability to follow that which many people say are the way to conceive. She will continue to pray for you and

imagine  a picturesque future decorated by you.

She’s turning thirty.

And still no sign of you. But she won’t worry or fear anymore. She will only say,“Hush dear little heart, YOU. ARE. FREE. remember?”

#btbwrites